Kitaab

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published 2023-02-07 01:24

updated 2024-03-16 01:13

November

November was not an easy month. I struggled with rejection after rejection, both from companies I would actually like to see succeed, and companies I largely hadn't heard about before. I cracked and finally applied to large mega-corps, something my pride had previously prevented me from pursuing.

It wasn't just the rejections that were bringing me down. I struggled with loneliness in a city known for being clique-y. I struggled with balance of being frugal and having a good time. I struggled with the weight of the atrocities on-going in the world, and those yet to unfold, that I was utterly powerless to do anything about. As the year draws to an end, I looked back on my "sabbatical" and couldn't help but be disappointed by the results. I didn't join the Sea Shepherds or regularly attend volunteer sessions at some mutual aid organization. I didn't even build most the software I wanted to.

Despite all this, November was not a month defined by my defeats. I come out of yet another vicious cycle of mistakes, pity parties and self deprecation once more awake and aware of my situation. I've been through this cycle before, I look around and recognize the tools and systems I've developed that help me combat this malaise. It's not enough to merely have the tools, one must also desire to use them. I think that's what ultimately is defining November for me.

Hope.

I feel more hopeful and grateful than I have in a long time. Appreciating the things I do have going for me. Being proud of the things I did accomplish. Accepting the limits that I do have. Thankful for the new vigour I have conjured. We may stagger. We may get lost in the darkness. But we must accept the shadows in order to live in the light. These periods of grief continue to teach me things about myself. There are always more lessons to learn.

October

October finally marked the turn of the season, though it has been a mild one by most my friends standards. We saw many clear sunny days. They're getting shorter now. October also marked a change for me. Both my contracts ended. I'm once again looking for work. I've been thinking about putting together a portfolio page, but my current stack of "fun programming" is ordered precisely in my brain, and I don't have the ability to change it when it gets like this 🤷🏽I suppose I shouldn't consider making a portfolio part of the "fun" stack to begin with. If you know any companies that you think I would be interested in, feel free to let me know! I'd really appreciate it.

Speaking of programming, I've been doing a lot more of it in my free time again. I decided to rewrite Kitaab helper scripts (previously called Poonam) again? I'm clearly not happy with the functionality available to me, and I've grown really annoyed with Python and it's deployment process. Which prompted the rewrite. I've been working in Fennel, which has largely been lots of fun to work in. I hope down the line this will make porting things nvim easier, which is an integral part of Kitaab.

I'm not yet feeling super rooted in Vancouver. I really want my god damn stuff. It's been 60+ days at this point. AusPost told me they can't track parcels sent via Ship?! What the heck. I'm hoping it all turns up. I've seen more of the area now. A couple hikes, a few bike rides, taking some longer train rides to further areas. Connecting with people. It's been most pleasant.

I also finally have my cat with me again! Now that I'm looking after her all by myself, it's quite different to having many other people to help. Now that she no longer roams, she loves playtime. We play at least an hour a day, more on some days. I've been trying to harness train her, and she will wear it normally, but she can't yet get through the elevator sounds to get downstairs and outside. I also haven't really tried the cat backpack yet. Though she will sit in it for funsies, it's not in the backpack orientation. So we'll see what happens there

July

July has been about settling in. I moved into a new apartment halfway through the month. Even though I technically got to the other side of the globe in June, it was really the very end of June that I did get to this side of the planet. I also started working again for the first time this year in July. So I'm still sort of finding the balance. I'm still finding my routines. I met quite a few new and old people in July in my attempts to settle into the new region I now inhabit. There's lots of things I had to learn this month, things that become so ambient I never had to think about them before. Where to buy groceries, where the best fast food is, how to get navigate around, what landmarks are meaningful, what parts of town to avoid. On the brighter side, there's also tons of tiny decorative choices that seem to fade into the background that really popped to me. The leaf impressions in the concrete side walks. The mountains in the backdrop. What shape the bike racks tend to be. All the languages I'd never heard before. Saying hello to strangers on the elevator. All these small differences, they add up to something bigger.

I try not to talk about work things here. I, honestly try not to talk about work in general. But I'm making an exception because I achieved something I'd wanted for a long time: get paid to contribute to open source software. Both (yeah, I know, working 2 contracts?!) the contracts I'm currently working on are for contributions to open source 💫

I've intentionally been scaling back my programming time outside of work hours. Though I certainly could spend time on my own projects, I'm trying to find the right balance. I want to find time to bake bread, and go on long walks or hikes, and continue to be able to climb. I need time to build my apartment into enrichment playground for my cat! I want to meet new people, and find various social circles for the different parts of me.

June

Even though June was a while ago, I'm writing this update now. I haven't been happy with my now page in a long while (keeping it representative of the work I was doing was proving annoying) and then earlier this week I came across fellow Mervfolk, Jake's now page and really liked the format they were using. So now I've adopted it.

June was a big month of changes for me. I went from living in the southern hemisphere, being fully unemployed to living in the northern hemisphere and being employed full time+. Doing so required lots of packing, donating and planning. It was a mad rush, since I managed to get to Canada a mere 3 weeks after getting my work visa. Unfortunately I had to leave behind my kitty cat, in the more than capable hands of my good friend Gerd. She's now scheduled to come back to me at the end of August, and I'm looking forward to that immensely.

More of a list of things I have done.

= doing / done list =

headers roughly sorted by LRU)

=### dev =

== kitaab python, lua, clojure ==

  • poonam
  • yaad: merge shaarli / wallabag / toots
  • grasp - custom template, saves to kitaab on box
  • art posts
  • private/work website
  • add recently read from kobo db dump
  • promnesia

=### website: python =

  • rss feed
  • handle images better
  • mobile view
  • join webring
  • IndieWeb: Web Mentions
  • use filename as fallback title for page name

=### generative =

== sealight / helix / ops ==

=### craft =

== mutual-aid ==

  • nix: build bonfire flake.nix

=### Chores =

  • Book tattoo

== ▓▞░▝ ==

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