published 2023-12-18 00:04

updated 2023-12-18 00:15


I continue to be unable to sleep despite getting into bed at 10pm my mind is racing and is full of other thoughts

Things like:

  • What would make me happy? like what kind of lifestyle, doing what kind of things, living what sort of life? Asides form the whole defeating capitalism, i'm not sure how I could make myself happy
  • What my life coulod be like with money and working at fly and how that ties into my happiness
  • Whether happiness is even the goal I should be seeking? I know of many "greater" "virtues" I could seek to enact in my life, but I'm not sure how we should balance them out
  • Thoughts of a voice recorder and setting up a self-hosted AI pipeline to add them into kitaab. There are so many pipelines I seem to want to build for Kitaab, I really do think of it as a part of me
  • I saw part of a video about 16 key keyboard that uses rolls and patterns to generate input and now I'm thinking about that too.
  • I keep envisioning some sort of e-ink device in my future, one that I use to read a lot. Make me sad that I haven't been using my boox much of late.
  • Speaking of that, another thing I was thinking about is the threat model for removing my name from my website and hosting kitaab somewhere else. what sort of topics I can speak about, because even though my real name isn't on the website, large (government, in particular) organizations would be able to determine who I am through it. And Anarchism is certainly a threatening topic to speak about.

It's surprising to me that I was able to get the juices flowing after this post. I wonder if there are other ways I can find to consistently get juices going. It's weird even though this is exactly the reason I do journal it takes me so much activation energy to get the journaling that I often end up very awake late at night when I should already be sleeping.

I wonder if it's instead a defense mechanism against the large day I have tomorrow. I don't really think so.

Some of my thoughts have been about parul too, but not usual love-y thoughts. I don't know, I guess lately I've been feeling not the best, and can't help but feel like she's been piling on? Wow, I'm surprised these words are even coming out of me, because I hadn't necessarily identified this emotion before? Now that I am thinking about it, it does seem to resonate, at least at 12.15am after not being able to sleep...

Okay, hopefully that's enough writing and I can manage to sleep now.