blog adhd

published 2024-02-26 01:28

updated 2024-02-26 16:58

It's often only in the middle of the night that I find myself wanting to program. Middle of the night programming fills me with something approaching dread, because I know if I do sit down to program, I get wrapped in a warm blanket of hyper-focus and may find myself still at the computer long past any reasonable bed time. So, instead, I turn to writing.

At least with writing, once my thoughts are penned down, they no longer wash over my brain, tides pulling me endlessly to try just one more thing.

I've always been this way. Nocturnal that is to say. Lately, I've taken to attributing it to my adhd. Late night, after a day of overwhelming sensory stimulation, my brain finally gets tired enough to focus. Sits still long enough to generate consistent dopamine. When the rest of the world sleeps, I find siren song strongest. Reaching out from within me, and tickling my bones.

There are times in my life I have given in to the call of the witching hour. Converted to being totally nocturnal. I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it. Perhaps it is my masochistic perversion, gleaning some pleasure in keeping me away from the rest of the world. Or maybe, the hipster inside me smiles at the expression as another form my being different. Perhaps I'm just more introverted than I realize.

These days, I try not to give in to the shiny darkness. Every waking hour is a prayer, and though Night looks after me, I crave the Sun as well, you see.